Love seems a very hard word to define. A lot of people ask the question “what is love?” and many people have an answer related to emotion. According to psychology, however, thoughts precede our emotions. We feel things related to our thoughts. There may be an element of choice in love then, and it may follow our thoughts and perception towards a particular person or thing.
People sometimes say that love is comfort, understanding, gentleness, kindness, giving, and so forth. However, I would argue that these are things that come from love but do not define love itself. Love may lead us to these things, or to feel them. Some people say God is love. Yet He created Love and is the source, but He is not called love Himself, He just created its capacity.
When coming across the question what is love? I decided to research and see what is being said in regard to love. Can we define love?
The Scientific Study Of Love:
Love has been explained as taking place in the brain and that it causes neurons to fire. However, this still does not explain what is love. Such studies also focus only on romantic relationships and so give us a more limited understanding. They still do not provide a definition. It is interesting, however, that eating chocolate is said to give us the same feelings as being in love, so feelings can be influenced. However, can these scientific studies explain the love for a dog, a city, or inanimate objects? Also, should we talk about neurons firing instead of our feelings when discussing love? We also usually think of love as taking place in the soul, or more particularly the heart, which is held to be the lace of feeling. I guess it probably has a connection to all such places.
Defining Love:
There was one scholar, Al-Buti, who said that love has to be felt. How can you describe something if you have never felt it? And how can we describe it to someone else, if we did?
The kind of definitions that I find about love does not really capture what we really feel — or what we really know about true love. For example:
“Love involves emotions and behaviors characterized by passion, intimacy and commitment”
Yet, I think that these things are not necessarily a part of love. I mean, can someone love someone they are not committed to? Or not intimate with? What I mean is that if we say we love a particular kind of food we will not usually have intimacy and commitment towards it. In fact, even in regards to people and places, we can feel a love for something or someone from far away. Love does not always take place in relationships. Sometimes we just feel love for something like a plant, tree, animal, or person. There is no commitment to such a thing. People can love another person without actually wanting a relationship with them as well. Love in a relationship, however, may lead us to commit.
Another definition is that:
Love is an emotion that keeps two people bonded and committed to one another.
However, the problem with such definitions is that it seems that most people want to define ‘love,’ as only within romantic relationships and not in the wider sense of relating to family, friends, and others. I think that this is a problem in society, and because of all the Indian movies and other types of media that portray love as something confined to romance and not so much outside of that. This makes it more difficult to talk about love in general terms and be understood.
One interesting definition, however, was that the people who are bereft of love are those who understand the need for it the most. They may be the ones most often trying to understand it.
Yet most of these definitions give a very limited definition of love often related to romance, relationships, and even passion. Yet, many of the people we may feel genuine love for in life are not people we have passionate relationships with or romantic encounters. Saying that, in all cultures and countries, there are famous love stories such as Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Antony, and Majnun Layla (An Arabic poet who wrote about his love for Layla. He once said he loved a dog who passed by Layla because it reminded him of her). Therefore, most research and talk of love seems to relate to romance a lot of the time, in general speech. Most people enjoy love stories. We like to hear about people who did not give up loving someone and made every effort to be with them despite all the odds. It is a shame that many people are not willing to make such an effort in their own lives.
Love In The Family And Other Types Of Relationships:
In fact, our first love is probably our mother and then the family we grew up in. Although there are some people who claim not to love their parents and family, most people have very strong, even eternal bonds with parents and others. When a parent dies people grieve a lot more over them than anyone else -at least that is what appears to me.
The Quran: Love For A Son:
In fact, interestingly, in the Quran, there is a chapter called that chapter of Yusuf that discusses what happened to Prophet Joseph and his father Yakcoob (Jacob). Yakoob loved Yusuf a lot and his brothers were jealous. They had a different mother to him. They made a plot to get rid of Yusuf because of their jealousy and they pretended that Yusuf had been killed by a wolf when they were taking care of him. They covered his shirt with fake blood and came back crying. In reality, they put him in a well, and he was taken somewhere far away from the people who found him.
The Quran gives the picture of Yakoob agonizing over the loss of Yusuf and remaining in hope of meeting him again after years. Throughout the story, Yakoob does not forget about Yusuf and even goes blind eventually because of crying over his loss. His vision is restored somehow when Yusuf is eventually returned to him after many years of absence and is now the ruler of another area. So the story demonstrates the intense love of a parent — a father toward his son.
Another story mentioned is the mother of Moses who was told to put the baby Moses in a basket and leave it to be taken downstream so that Pharoah and his wife would take him in and raise him. The Quran mentions how difficult it was to be separated from him, and so he was eventually returned to her for breastfeeding (without anyone knowing she was the parent).
I have often understood from stories such as these that love actually has a lot to do with missing someone. I believe you can know if you truly love someone — anyone — if you miss their presence and company when they are not around. Missing someone shows how much they mean to you. I guess this actually means that love is really valuing something or someone highly. It also seems to be related to bonding, attachment, and knowing someone well (for a long time). Perhaps this is why we most often find it in long-term relationships of all kinds.
So Is Love Highly Valuing Or Esteeming Something?
When the Princess of Japan gave up her position as a princess in order to marry the man she loved, she was offered money to leave him and find someone else. He was said not to be suitable for a princess. yet her answer was according to an NHK report:
“For me, Kei is irreplaceable — marriage was a necessary choice for us.”
Mr Komuro, her husband added:
“I love Mako. We only get one life, and I want us to spend it with the one we love,”
When we love someone or something, we recognize its value and that it cannot be replaced. We see the innate beauty, value, and uniqueness of a person or thing and that we cannot replace it — or them-with something the same. If we say love is ‘valuing something’ it means that we can love anything or anyone, material or immaterial, and not necessarily a person or a romantic partner. It is for this reason that I believe part of loving something, is valuing and esteeming it.
Some people claim that they love romantic partners but replace them easily and quickly. Therefore, it seems that love often does not take place in these kinds of romantic relationships. In fact, unfortunately, a lot of heartbreak and court cases are related to marriage and romantic relationships, so there seems to be a problem: are people really building their relationships on the foundation of love and esteem, or on other more limited, superficial things?
Love In The Life Of The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him:
From looking at the life of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, I can see that he had many examples of love in his life. His first marriage to Khadijah who was 15 years older than him was built on a strong love and admiration between them. At her passing, one of his other wives Aisha told him that God has given him a better wife (meaning herself). She was jealous because, after Khadijah's passing, he was still remembering her and sending gifts to her friend. He told her that there was no woman like her and she stood by him when everyone was against him and no one can take her place.
So I guess, this is again the valuing and irreplaceable element of love. No one could take her place. Due to her love for him, she sacrificed a lot for him, and he repaid that through his love and remembering her.
There is also the daughter of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, Zeinab. Her husband remained with people fighting against the Muslims while she had converted. This meant that they were separated for twenty years. She kept trying to bring him over but he refused. When he was taken captive by the Muslims she sent her mother's necklace to ransom him. For twenty years she waited, hoping for him to come back. In the end, he did and after twenty years they were reunited. Yet Zainab passed away suddenly. Her husband remained crying frequently over her loss saying, how could he live without Zainab? Their love stood the test of time and remained despite differences, problems, and warfare. They were irreplaceable to each other.
Love Of A Friend:
The friend of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, Abu Bakr demonstrated the love of a friend. I feel sad we do not have friends like that in our times- he really sacrificed and gave for him. Once he took a blow for him and was hit because he was a believer. When he came around the first thing he asked about was whether Prophet Muhammad's peace be upon him was alright? He forgot about himself. Another time Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him fell asleep with his head on the leg of Abu Bakr when they hid in a cave because people were after them. A scorpion or snake came to bite him but he did not move, because he was afraid to wake his friend up. He would also guard him when walking and check if the way was safe and would circle him to make sure he was ok.
At the death of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, the whole of the Muslim community was in grief and people were deeply saddened. Bilal, who was a black slave set free used to do the call to prayer in the mosque but gave it up because he was so sad about the death of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. Years later someone requested him to make it and he did so, and apparently, the women, men, children, and everyone came out of their houses and only the streets asking if the Prophet's peace be upon him had returned and were crying.
It was said that there was not a people who loved more than the followers of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him in their love for him.
Love Is A Fundamental Part Of Faith:
Since I see that religions teach a lot of love -Christianity, Islam, and perhaps all religions, I often think that love has a lot to do with faith. Faith in God is based on love and true devotion. We are asked to first love God and then people.
An example is the prayer:
O Allah! I ask for Your love and the love of those who love You and for the love of every action, which will bring me closer to your love.
Even a saying of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said
“You will not enter Paradise until you have faith and until you love one another.”
Sahih Muslim 54.
It is for this reason that all our interactions with others should be based on love. I think here that means not only valuing but wanting good for others and doing good for them. It is particularly important that the family be built on love.
It is strange that people nowadays often marry people they do not truly love and marry to obtain something or for some benefit without actually loving the person. Yet the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him told us that:
“There is nothing like marriage for people who love one another.”
Ibn Majah
Also advising someone he was reported to have said,
“You should go and see her for there should be some love between you.”
We are also told that marriage is something not only for this life but will continue into the next life. If this is the case, does it not seem logical that it should be based on love towards the person you want to be with eternally, highly valuing them and seeing them as irreplaceable?
“You will be with whom you love.”
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Conclusion:
I, therefore, have come to the conclusion that love has a lot to do with being fond of someone or something but also being able to see their uniqueness and value and in the end that they cannot be replaced and it is worth the effort to be with them. However, love is much broader than that and can be applied to anything. It may mean that we like something sometimes, or are fond of or appreciate something. We also use it to say that something makes us happy, brings us joy or comfort, or makes us feel connected.
Islam holds that love is something that should underpin our faith and our relationships with others. I think that the Quran alludes that it should be the thing underlying most of what we do whether we choose a career, marry, befriend someone, live in a place, or so forth. When we build things on love we are more likely to remain true to what we love and it is more likely to last in our lives. Not only that but if our faith is based on love, marriage is based on love and everything will come from love we will have a loving home and society. This might be a cure for the loneliness, isolation, and negative emotions people often claim to be feeling. So I think that love can be anything we hold special and unique, and recognize its value and see it as irreplaceable to us. When referring to people, the ones we love are the ones who we enjoy their company and miss when they are not there and cannot be replaced. This is what I came to but there are probably many other definitions, I wonder what other people would say love is…